Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Frodo's FABLES-SANI2MUDDY2C DAY2 & 3

The final chapter in a rather forgettable SANI2C due to terrible riding conditions.

Day 2 started as did Day 1 with a very fine mist, which made visibility down to a couple of meters. But like all hard core MCC mountain bikers we were all on the start line and only “Vern” was moaning like Julius, as usual.

The night before had been entertaining due to non stop rain causing our bloody tents to leak, there is nothing better than sleeping in a wet sleeping bag and also not being able to evacuate the tent when the protein induced gas farts started dropping.

We also had the pleasure of having a team of Virgin SANI riders in the tent next to us, who obviously did not get to chat much on the route, they were worse than a group of women at book club after 5 bottles of wine. They eventually stopped at about 10h30; I hope they did not finish Day 2, swine’s!

The MCC contingent got DAY 2 of to a start in 1 group as the organizers in their wisdom sent everybody off at the same time, it was absolute chaos. The district roads were slipperier than the proverbial banana skin and staying on the bike was quite an accomplishment.

There was still time to come across the odd roadie converted to MTB rider, these were the clowns who kept shouting “hold your line” and keep left, this was whilst on the single track! Oh yes they also signaled to all behind them when there were stones in the road!

My apologies to ALL roadies I do understand that you need to be special to be a roadie and having a personality is not required, but never fear there is hope as the MCC group does have patience and we will tolerate and abuse you. I mean we do look after guys like Digby (Not his nick name), Duncan and Andrew.

The re route was still an awesome ride, and after 30km the weather became quite enjoyable, at the Nano’s pit stop mark. “Oom” Pete showed his age when he lost his bike, we had mass panic and thought he might have to run the last 40km’s.

Eventually he found the bike and we were on our way, we had to go and face a “Push of a hill’ it did not get this name for no reason, it was rocky and steep. “Vern” was impressive and managed to ride the entire climb. I suppose it takes 1 “Push’ to know another “Push”? I really need to work on this writer’s lisp I have developed!

The Day ended with “Oom’ Peter finding his legs again, we hit the tar stretch home and the roadie in him kicked in, it was as if Grant was wearing those RED porn star cycling pants in front of a horny bull. We all had to put the hammer down just to keep up with the old goat.

Day 3 is very misleading, as everyone seems to think it is a fast day. Well as a good club captain I made sure I informed all the virgin riders to take it easy. There are some monster climbs and some scary descents.

There is the notorious corner in the game farm, which is the route’s version of a females G spot, as there is so much enjoyable action that takes place there but if you go to fast and take the wrong line you miss the spot and end up in the shit.

You know that when parents give advice kids are supposed to take it?

So why is it that when I told my old man to be careful death bend was coming up he took no notice? All I heard was the cameraman shouting here comes another one.

The ‘Old Oak” realized his error to late and hit the anchors, I have to admit Rossi would have been proud of his sideways version around the bend, how he did not end up chewing a tree was beyond me.

The last ‘little sting” of the day was on us, the well known little heart rate and big heart rate climbs. What made these even harder was that there was a guy who walked past me, I was riding at the time!

Then to rub more salt into the wounds, one of my prodigies, Kingsley, also came spinning comfortably past me, I tried to abuse him to get him out of his comfort zone, but I have obviously trained him to well as he just ignored me and carried on to the summit with a stupid grin on his face, disrespectful s%&t!

I had been riding in 1 gear for majority of the route as the mud had taken its toll on my trusty stead, I asked the guys to take it easy on me in the last fast section, but “Vern” saw this as sweet revenge for when I took him on an easy 95km ride, he was on his single speed at the time!

We were in a group of about 10 and “Vern’ and “Oom” did their impersonation of a roadie pace line, I screamed from the back o slow down, but to no avail. I looked like a novice at a spinning session who did not know how to activate the resistance on the fly wheel, my legs were going at about 200 r/min and I was going no where.

By the time we got to the mother tar uphill to the finish I was in a worst state than Liverpool football club and had to be pulled to the finish by none other than “Vern’, my hero!

I also was made aware of some major war stories as the “Cocker Spaniard’ also smashed his derailleur and had to ride the whole route on single speed mode, I wonder if it had been tampered with to slow him down?

Well done to Grant “NOUGHT” Harding and the “Cocker Spaniard’ for being the first MCC men members home, and well done to Dave ‘Try HARDER” for completing the race solo!

The Watson clan managed to get over the line all in one piece with a smile on their faces and a beer in their hands.

Oh yes, nearly forgot that Digby finally managed to get a REAL nickname, he supposedly spilt ultra Mel custard in his tent on the night of Day 2 the pictures looked like he had a posse of snails that had slithered over his mattress, his partner could not verify this but did hear a lot of rustling emanating from his sleeping bag?

See insert, reminds me of those teenage days after a REALLY good dream?


Digby is now known as ‘Colonel Custard”

Confucius states "Single woman who camps at SANI2C going to find evil intent!"

Until next year then...


On Saturday I had the privilege of leading the C ride, it was an absolute pleasure having no riders abusing me, appreciating the route and also having riders that were slower than me. We completed a very enjoyable 40km route and had only one fall, when Marieke decided to go for a mud bath.

In the A ride, I believe there was a little sprint held to the finish and the “Old Oak” gave ‘Cocker Spaniard” a run for his money, “Soep’ was blown off the back, must be those sleepless nights with the new addition to his family.

Where were all the A riders this weekend, come on boys I need you to show your faces as I would like to get the A group back to its original status as a good hard ride, filled with strong riders!

WEEKS RIDES
THURDSDAY 18H00-20H00 MUG AND BEAN NIGHT RIDE
SATURDAY 06H00 MUG
A SILENT ASSASSIN
B1 OLD OAK
B2 TRY HARDER
C ZEEEEVOGEL (The young Geriatric?)

I have also noted that the punctuality of some riders is becoming an issue, please ensure that you are at the Mug 10 minutes before the ride starts. Ride captains will be starting the ride at the allocated times and will not wait for anyone.

It is not fair on all the other riders, so please make an effort.

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